


Drop It Like It's Hot

by just_peachy



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Other, Recreational Drug Use, Underage Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-06
Updated: 2011-02-06
Packaged: 2017-10-15 10:52:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/160109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_peachy/pseuds/just_peachy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick Grayson decides it's time to loosen up the Batcrew with the help of some Mary Jane. I don't specify the ages, but everyone is of a consenting age. If underage drug use makes you uncomfortable, I'm sorry. But if you like some crack-like tomfoolery, then this is the Fic for you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drop It Like It's Hot

**Author's Note:**

> Get 'em High!

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.”

“Are you threatening me? I need teepee—”

“—Please stop… he he… I can’t feel my tummy.”

“Yummy yummy yummy I got yum and rum and some other stuff in my tummy.”

“Will you two… Grayson. Todd. Stop laughing. ,” said Damian, “And stop singing those stupid songs. Please, remind me which imbecile thought that this was a good idea?”

Tim was about to talk, but Damian was not finished just yet.

“—This is completely unacceptable. And while I am at it—“

“—Stop talking please,” piped up Steph, “This fog is getting… _foggier_ and I swear I can’t see.”

“Wait,” said Tim quickly, “There’s fog?” He got up a little too quickly and looked around the room. He frowned while rubbing his eyes. The rest of them were looking up at the ceiling. Each one wearing their set of gloriously bloodshot eyes with pride. And Tim was pretty sure that the prickly feeling behind his eyes meant that his eyes probably looked just as bad.

There was no denying that each one was plotting a way to blame the other five for why they were here. Better yet, whose idea was this? Tim tried to remember, but his head hurt too much when he tried to think about anything. Then he forgot why he was sitting up in the first place when he noticed Cass flashing a grin from below. Tim blinked a few more time before he realized that Cass was shaking a drawing in front of him. He wondered how she got the paper but, again... that required thinking. And that hurt.

“Tim!” said Cass gleefully, “This is my picture. Look at all of us!”

“Cass,” squinted Tim, “This looks nothing like us. Plus, my head looks ridiculous.”

“Hey Tim,” screamed Dick, “The back of your head is ridiculous… oh snap!”

Dick reached down to a ziplock bag of lucky charms resting on top of his stomach, nodding his head with glee. He started eating few while grinning widely.

“Yeah,” began Jason. He was lying on his back before slowly craning his head to look at Tim, “No one has ever heard that one before Grayson.”

“I’m not Grayson Jason,” said Tim, “Oh wow… that rhymed.”

Steph moved to lie on her stomach and grabbed the drawing. She looked at it and a smile began to stretch across her face. She paused for a few moments before looking back at Cass, who also had a big smile on her face.

“I will alter the drawing with colors,” said Steph before sitting up and grinning triumphantly. She then turned over dramatically at the boys, “Pray that I do not alter it further.”

Everyone in the room burst into laughter. Except for Damian.

“I do not understand what that is a reference to.”

“You know what we should do,” said Jason, “We should tell Damian that even though he is like, a legit son. Not a ‘hand me down’ like the rest of us,” Cass giggled loudly, which interrupted Jason.

“ Shhhh… anyways,” Jason began, “What I’m trying to say is that Damian has the blood. But not our lovely lady lumps—”

Dick was about to sing along before Damian shot up and without warning dove to the spot where Jason was lying down.

“AHHHHH—Get this little— shit off— of me,” yelled Jason.

“Finish— singing— now— Todd!” dared Damian.

Tim felt bad, that chokehold did look forgiving at all. And before Tim knew it, his legs were moving toward the spot where Damian and Jason were sprawled on the floor. He saw Steph and Cass shot a look towards one another before Steph sighed deeply.

“Jason, don’t you know how to break that hold? All that fancy training?” said Steph nonchalantly.

“SHUT. UP.”

“Poor Jason,” began Cass, “He won’t have much more time to breathe.”

“YOU. ARE. NOT. HELPING.”

“You know Jay, if I didn’t know any better and I don’t. I really don’t… I think Damian is trying to bond with you by trying to kill you.”

“GRAYSON. GET. HIM. OFF. OF. ME.”

“Dick, seriously… help me get Damian off of Jay,” pleaded Tim. “Come on bro.”

“Oh fine, but I was all comfortable over here in my little spot. And now, I have to take off my snuggie—“

“DICK SHUT UP!”

Dick raised his eyebrows before getting up to look at his brothers. He did what any sensible older brother would do: He laughed. They looked ridiculous. Tim’s eyes looked as red as his face. Literally a Red Robin. Damian looked confident that Jason would not be able to get out of the hold. And Jason’s face was screwed up while his hands were flying everywhere to no avail.

Dick was about to move when the unmistakable sound of a slamming door scared the living daylights out of the six of them.  Damian let go immediately, sending Jason to the floor. Jason sucked in the air around violently for a few seconds before looking up. Tim let go of Damian and looked up with dread. Steph and Cass looked like they were watching their lives flash before their eyes. But to be honest, Dick was thinking the same thing. This would be a really stupid way to die.

“There better be a good reason for this,” began Barbara dangerously.

Like clockwork, Barbara’s presence seemed to shake the six of them out of their hazy comfort.

“There are people that need our help right now,” growled Barbara. “There are important things that need to be done. There are things happening right now that—“

“—Babs come on—” interrupted Dick.

“—That are extremely important to insure the safety of lots of people in this city. AND YOU IDIOTS ARE IN HERE GETTING HIGH?”

“Are you just jealous cause we didn’t invite you?” said Jason.

“SHUT UP!” roared Barbara. Dick was sure that there were pin drops that could be louder than the air. “Just shut up you— GAH— I cannot believe you people. And I am going to have to clean up this up, aren’t I?”

“Can I just say that I was brought here against my will,” began Damian, with a tinge of hope in his voice.

“No, I am not helping any of you. I am going to pretend that I never saw any of this and I am leaving,” said Barbara with every syllable slowly building with venom.

“Well fine. I can clean this up just fine. Hell, I can assure you that we had lots of fun,” Dick said before turning to Cass. “Didn’t we guys?”

Cass looked around carefully at each one of them before turning to Dick.

“Yes, they did,” said Cass.

“Aha!” said Dick, “Beat that Barbara!”

“What is this supposed to prove? That I am some sort of a killjoy?”

“Just a joy, Babs. Because that is what I feel right now. Unless you want to kill us all. Which wouldn’t be joyful. At all.”

Dick felt his eyes blink faster with every second, but he was sure he saw Barbara’s lip twitched for a split second before she regained her composure.

“You better be so glad that Bruce is out of town so he doesn’t see how asinine you all look. Do whatever it is you have to do. Don’t make Alfred clean this up. And I’ll be waiting for you all with the next case I got planned. Got it?”

Each one nodded before answering all at once.

“Yup,” said Dick.

“Sure,” said Jason.

“Alright,” said Tim.

“You got it,” said Steph.

“Ok,” said Cass.

“-tt-” said Damian.

Once Barbara left (slamming the door extra hard for good measure), Dick turned around at all of them. He touched his face, feeling it flush ever so slightly.

“Your girlfriend is breaking your balls man,” said Jason.

“She’s not my—“began Dick.

“No Jason,” said Steph, “She just shattered them.”

Tim began to chuckle while Damian never looked thoroughly disinterested. If that was possible.

“You know what” said Dick, “That’s it. I’m not doing any more of these get-togethers. This is the last one.” Dick’s frown deepened, “You guys are hungry now, aren’t you?”

“Can… you get us pizza rolls?” asked Cass.

“No, I mean it,” said Dick raising his hands, “I am trying to bond with you guys and this is how you treat me? And I’m such a nice guy that I was going to pick up food too. Ugh, you guys.”

“Come on Dick, we are just messing with you. Relax,” said Tim

“Gordon is right,” began Damian, “Enough of this. We need to go patrol soon. If you people drag me to another one of these functions again, I will not participate. Are we clear?”

Damian never got an answer, much to his annoyance. Slowly… very slowly, they all began to pick up the mess they had made. There were burned up scraps all over the floor. There were oreos that were lined in rows. Scraps of Cassandra’s doodles all over the place. They couldn’t make Alfred clean this.

 Jason slowly began to look at one solitary stain on the floor.

“You guys,” said Jason, “This was already here right?”

The six of them each circled the stain before concluding that it was already there. Or at least… yeah. It was already there.


End file.
